Dream Mothers by Wani Ardy

My friend Meli told me about this poem, cepat2 cari kat blog kawan saya wani ardy n jumpa. sgt sgt sedih bile membacanya. sgt terharu. sgt kagom. love love love all the words. This poem was made untuk orang2 yg disahkan tidak boleh mengandung -lansung. Jgn rasa diri anda dibenci Allah. termasuk lah org2 seperti aku yang lambat/susah nak pregnant. (susah lagi org yg hampir 10-15years tu) i have fully redha now that no matter what we do, semuanya dtg drp Dia. kalau kita tak belajar untuk bersyukor..sampai bile2 kite akan benci diri sendri dan org2 keliling kite.

This is taken from her blog http://waniardy.com

You are a Dream Mother.

If you could not conceive a child,
if you will never know how it feels like to have another heart beating inside you for many months,
you are a Dream Mother.

If your body could not afford to cradle another soul,
if you will never experience the priceless agony of giving birth to a little human,
never be a biological mother, never have a daughter of your flesh and blood, never have a son who resembles your husband,
for whatever reason-
you are a Dream Mother.

Your presence is an essence;
you are the savior of orphans.
Without you, Dream Mothers, many orphans would have no special home.
Imagine a world where every single woman could conceive, could get pregnant, could have a child of her own,
yet deaths and abandonment occur as per usual…
What would become of orphans?

Dream Mothers, people such as you must live.
Biological Mothers and Dream Mothers need to coexist.
You balance the earth and its diverse occupants, Dream Mothers.
No one can deny your capacity to love and care for another.
No one can take away your right to dream of your baby’s name,
or what lullaby you would sing when that tiny foot is kicking, or when those pebble eyes are crying,
or how you would look like in the mirror with your blossoming belly, while your nausea is at its peak.

Dear Dream Mother,
You think you’re inadequate but God has made you a rescuer.
You think you’re less of a woman but God has made you an important reminder.
Biological Mothers ponder upon you and they appreciate what they have even better.

God is Just. God is Fair.
Biological Mothers have their pain and gain; so do you.
Only yours are more of a secret.

To be born a Dream Mother, is not a loss.
To be born a Dream Mother means that you are much stronger than you will ever know.
It means that your pain and gain are there, but they may not show.

Dear Dream Mothers,
You are no less significant.
You are here for a cause.
These children are the earth,
Biological Mothers are the sun,
and you-
you are the moon.

Dear Dream Mothers,
you are the chosen ones.

Wani Ardy
Rozelle, Sydney

----

so touched :(

Metformin, a must must must

Semalam aku download a full detailed info about penyaket aku Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome ni kat sini www.jarrettfertility.com/PCOS%20patient%20handout.pdf

and baru la aku betol2 paham condition diri aku nih. yg penting METFORMIN (GLUCOPHAGE) tu sbenanye mmg ubat yg tepat utk PCOS. huwaaaa so kene makan jugak jugak jugakkk. ini petikan drp article tu:

Glucophage has several mechanisms of action. It does
increase peripheral insulin sensitivity. In other words, it
decreases the lack of responsivity of the tissues to insulin.
More importantly, it dramatically reduces the production of
sugar by the liver. If sugar levels are decreased, insulin levels
will decrease. With decreased insulin, the production of male
hormone from the ovaries decreases and the PCOS improves.
Glucophage also works very well in thin women without
significant insulin resistance. Almost as a side effect, it
increases the activity of an enzyme call aromatase.
Aromatase increases the conversion of male hormones to
female hormones – less androgens and more estrogens result.

and about the side effect, mmg betul kene ciritbirit tu part of side effect dia tapi ada cara utk elakkan! nape doc tak ckp ponnnnnn...haih! ye la kdg2 kite mmg kene wat research sendri doh kalau nak mintak dr delaila terangkan semua aku rase lg mahal la charges nye nnt :P aku prasan yg charges dia naik ikot brape lame kite consult dgn die. die takde standard rate. kalau ckp biase2, RM60. kalau lameeee je sket RM75..lagi lama..leh sampai RM150 (especially kalau baru 1st time jumpa, sbb die nak collect history kite semue kan. so kite jgn nak dok harap doctor bagi 100% info kat kite, kite kene ade usaha cari sendri gak..

The major side effects of glucophage are diarrhea and abdominal cramping- these can be avoided if one eliminates carbohydrates from the diet. Thin women can slowly add carbohydrates back into their diet as tolerated. Heavier women should not – our goal with them is to lower insulin levels andit doesn’t do much good to decrease the production of glucose by the liver if one keeps eating carbohydrates which are converted to glucose. It takes about three months for glucophage to have maximal effect on the ovaries. Many women conceive with no other intervention than glucophage,and couples should go ahead and try to conceive during those three months.

so, aku takleh makan CARBS. mungkin kene kurangkan la. wah so NASIK camne? waaaaa...xpe2 ini utk kesihatan diri. byk je benda lain leh makan. ape yg aku paham drp artikel tu ialah, org PCOS ni release satu benda ni name dia MIS (Mullerian Inhibiting Substance) drp ovary kite yg buat androgrens ni lebeh drp estrogens..so sbb tu follicles ni semua tak elok.

MIS decreases aromatase activity, which results in an
increase of androgens and a decrease in estrogens. This
perpetuates the PCOS changes.
While glucophage treatment will lower androgens rather quickly (androstenedione in this slide),
MIS really does notdecrease significantly for almost three to four months.

so kene laaa makan ubat nih jugak...then dlm artikel ni ade psl LETROZOLE, yg works utk aku last september. yg resulted in 2 mature good eggs. mmg PCOS dgn CLOMID susah nak work together. even with metformin, kdg2 still gak ade org xberjaya. but with Letrozole, the chances increases.

please note that: It is pretty clear that if pregnancy does not result within the first four cycles of clomiphene use, it
probably is not going to – something else has to be tried. 

I've tried clomid ONCE, last year somewhere in May. 100mg. after 12days period, when we scanned, takde mature eggs lansong. semue polycystic. so it shows that it doesnt work. glad i met dr sudha of klinik umra (the only doc yg best katsitu) yg suggest Letrozole (brand name: Femara). dia mahal sket drp clomid but no side effect n no long term side effect. 3 cycles of CLOMID akan buat kite under the risk of ovarian cyst, which is , kalau kena terok, ovary kena buang teros so selamat tinggal the journey of trying to conceive, it ended with you not able to conceive forever! dr sudha prescribe me with Letrozole 5mg perday. for 5days. mcm clomid gak cara nak makan dia. on 2nd day of period. for 5 days.

on day 12, we found 18.3mm mature follies and 21mm mature follies. mmg perfect utk ovulate. dr sudha inject aku dgn HCG, utk trigger ovulation for the next 36hours. thats what we call 'timed intercourse'.

but, takde rezeki aku mase tuh. aku period heavily the next 2weeks walaupon mase dah nak due period tu, aku dpt positive pregnancy test. it was all chemical pregnancy je sbenanyer. but aku bersyukor sbb aku period, drp aku tak period lansong n tak pregnant.depress gile kot gitu.

So after bertukar doctor, Dr Delaila is aware of me not responding to clomid so die tanye aku nak letrozole tak? aku mmg nak la sbb dulu penah ambik n body aku respon well kat ubat tu. Aku takot kerane aku ni PCOS, walaupon aku dpt telor yg mature pon nnt nextmonth, kalau lekat pon, aku ended up miscarriage lagi sbb PCOS women mmg risiko tinggi utk keguguran. kebanyakan org PCOS akan miscarriage a few times before mengandung betol2...

artikel yg aku paste link atas ni mmg bagos..skang aku dah faham aku mmg kena makan metformin gak. teringat polycystic follicles aku aritu, sgt ngeri. byk drp dulu..kene gak makan ubat. aku nak try to avoid carbs tgk ciritbirit lagi tak. kalau tak, so aku leh continue metformin ni. its good for me. i have have have to!

Cuba banding diri kita dengan org yg lebih malang.

Kadang2 kite asik nak menci kat diri sendri. kan. takbagos sbenanye. kite yg salah sbb kite suke compare diri sendri dgn org yg lebih bernasib baik, in other words, rezeki semue org taksame, lepastu kite mudah jadi tak bersyukur dgn apa yg Allah sediakan di depan mata kite. kite sebok nak mintak Allah bagi benda yg die belum kate boleh. yg ada depan mata kite ni dah perfect ke?

Anak.

Seseorang yg kite tunggu yg kite tattau katmana dan berapa jumlahnya, sedang berada di alam yg lain. belum ditiupkan rohnya ke muka bumi. belum ditiupkan rohnya ke dalam perot kite utk digelar "anak" kandung kita. Dah tertulis sebenarnye kat Luh Mahfuz, anak itu sekian tarikh akan ditiupkan ke muka bumi ini. jadi layakkah anda utk bertanye "bile nak ade anak ni wei? tak teringin nak ade anak ke?"

serupe korang mempersoalkan kerja tuhan. dalam taksedar, dah buat dose kering je kat situ. 1, dah la buat org saket ati, 2, ko tanye keje tuhan. kenape ko tak tanye bile nak kiamat eh? bile ko nak mati? bile laut nak terbelah dua? tanye lah. tau plak "ehhh mane bleh tanye itu kan keje tuhan"

habeh tu? kenapa anda meletakkan diri anda dikalangan org2 yg BODOH yg suke bertanyekan soalan yg melibatkan kerja Allah? ko sapa? nabi ke?

it is definitely not funny utk mengusik org dgn soalan itu. kononnya Try to be nice or Try nak jadi peramah, dont know what to ask jadi tanye soalan itu. kalau tanya Dah ada ke belum tu exceptable sbb itu soalan biasa. tapi bile anda bertanyakan BILA? Rasulullah pon takleh jawap.

Untuk diri aku sendiri yg sgt stress sebelum ni, aku cepat2 mengingatkan aku tentang K.Ita, kakak kat floor atas ni yg struggle for 13years akhirnye kini baru dikurniakan anak pompuan yg chomel dan sihat. skang tunggu anak no 2 nak lahir plak. she's 37 already. kalau org tua2, mmg suke dok ngate org yg lambat dpt anak ni seperti "eee..dah tua2 baru nak branak"
Ape masalahnya? kenape lambat atau cepat itu menjadi ukuran? adekah kalau anak itu cepat lahir, die akan besar menjadi org yg bergune, jadi dokter ke, kompem akan senangkan keluarga ke,

Jadi kalau begitu kenape kite penah dgr ayat seperti "hish kalau aku tau ko dah besar nak jadi mcm ni, baik aku buang je ko mase kecik2 dulu"

dlm drama pon kite penah dgr ayat mcm ni. jadi salah ke kalau anak itu keluar lambat atau cepat?

kalau sape dpt anak cepat, die menang ke? menang apa? aku penah dgr gak org2 yg memerli org yg lambat pregnant ni kununnya takde skill. atau bodoh di katil.

habis tu org yg 10tahun takdpt anak tu sgt bodoh la takreti nak buat ape lakibini?

tolong jgn jadi org tua yg tak educated. (kdg2 org educated pon suke pikir mcm tu) aku teringat bulan 12 thn lepas, sepupu bapak aku tanye aku didepan khalayak ramai mase kenduri kazen aku "Hai, TAKKAN BERDUA JE KOT JIHAN TUH????"

kalau ko bukan makcik, aku dah sumbat flash camera aku kat mulot ko. serious ckp. aku baru nak meletop, tapi tibe2 makcik aku dtg selamatkan keadaan. die teros lari dpn aku n bisik kat aku "dia tu dulu 10years baru dpt anakkk! ignore je dia"

WAH! ko sendri pon 10years baru pgnant mcm celake nak sound aku gitu!!!!!!!!!
sepatotnye ko lebeh memahami, ko patot sapot anak2buah ko yg kene penyaket cam ko. hampeh tol. aku harap aku sok tak sound camtu kat org, mgkin anger yg die simpan sejak 10thn before die dpt anak tu die tahankan..kire die puas aa kot dpt sound aku mcm tu, spt mana yg die penah kena?

huh