Hoping that May is the month.

I cant help but hope.

Kalau x berjaya buleh cube lagi! kan?
its an enjoyable journey apa. Well i guess only God knows when's the month.
Why make this as stressful as hell? Lovemaking should be pleasurable. i'd try to change my mindset like this so that when we are 'babydancing' we dont only think NAKBABY NAKBABY NAKBABY.
mmgla kite pasang niat mcm tu tapi when love-making is turning out to be like a 'chore'...then  hehe
Kita takboleh nak set date camne pon..sbenanye nak target2 pon takboleh..dulu aku suke target "by June ni nak pregnant, before raya nak pregnant, n branak bulan January..." suke2 aku je...padahal mmg TAKBOLEH. we cant decide n hope that it will come true. sbb bile takjadi, ha mule lah nak sedih!

but what i know is if i dont get pregnant in May, then i will not have child this year. mungkin 2012 or 2013 or....God knows. Yang penting BILA-BILA pon takpe, dapat 1 zuriat pon dah syukor alhamdulillah.zaman skang anak ramai2 pon lom tentu dah besar jadi bagus2. baik jaga yg 1 n give the best utk dia. make sure dia menjadi org yg berkualiti, kalau xjadi dokter pon, jadi apa2 yang membanggakan. Yang soleh/solehah....nak mintak part yg ni kdg2 segan sket..diri sendri pon tak solehah camno? :P ngeeeee

Dream Mothers by Wani Ardy

My friend Meli told me about this poem, cepat2 cari kat blog kawan saya wani ardy n jumpa. sgt sgt sedih bile membacanya. sgt terharu. sgt kagom. love love love all the words. This poem was made untuk orang2 yg disahkan tidak boleh mengandung -lansung. Jgn rasa diri anda dibenci Allah. termasuk lah org2 seperti aku yang lambat/susah nak pregnant. (susah lagi org yg hampir 10-15years tu) i have fully redha now that no matter what we do, semuanya dtg drp Dia. kalau kita tak belajar untuk bersyukor..sampai bile2 kite akan benci diri sendri dan org2 keliling kite.

This is taken from her blog http://waniardy.com

You are a Dream Mother.

If you could not conceive a child,
if you will never know how it feels like to have another heart beating inside you for many months,
you are a Dream Mother.

If your body could not afford to cradle another soul,
if you will never experience the priceless agony of giving birth to a little human,
never be a biological mother, never have a daughter of your flesh and blood, never have a son who resembles your husband,
for whatever reason-
you are a Dream Mother.

Your presence is an essence;
you are the savior of orphans.
Without you, Dream Mothers, many orphans would have no special home.
Imagine a world where every single woman could conceive, could get pregnant, could have a child of her own,
yet deaths and abandonment occur as per usual…
What would become of orphans?

Dream Mothers, people such as you must live.
Biological Mothers and Dream Mothers need to coexist.
You balance the earth and its diverse occupants, Dream Mothers.
No one can deny your capacity to love and care for another.
No one can take away your right to dream of your baby’s name,
or what lullaby you would sing when that tiny foot is kicking, or when those pebble eyes are crying,
or how you would look like in the mirror with your blossoming belly, while your nausea is at its peak.

Dear Dream Mother,
You think you’re inadequate but God has made you a rescuer.
You think you’re less of a woman but God has made you an important reminder.
Biological Mothers ponder upon you and they appreciate what they have even better.

God is Just. God is Fair.
Biological Mothers have their pain and gain; so do you.
Only yours are more of a secret.

To be born a Dream Mother, is not a loss.
To be born a Dream Mother means that you are much stronger than you will ever know.
It means that your pain and gain are there, but they may not show.

Dear Dream Mothers,
You are no less significant.
You are here for a cause.
These children are the earth,
Biological Mothers are the sun,
and you-
you are the moon.

Dear Dream Mothers,
you are the chosen ones.

Wani Ardy
Rozelle, Sydney

----

so touched :(

Metformin, a must must must

Semalam aku download a full detailed info about penyaket aku Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome ni kat sini www.jarrettfertility.com/PCOS%20patient%20handout.pdf

and baru la aku betol2 paham condition diri aku nih. yg penting METFORMIN (GLUCOPHAGE) tu sbenanye mmg ubat yg tepat utk PCOS. huwaaaa so kene makan jugak jugak jugakkk. ini petikan drp article tu:

Glucophage has several mechanisms of action. It does
increase peripheral insulin sensitivity. In other words, it
decreases the lack of responsivity of the tissues to insulin.
More importantly, it dramatically reduces the production of
sugar by the liver. If sugar levels are decreased, insulin levels
will decrease. With decreased insulin, the production of male
hormone from the ovaries decreases and the PCOS improves.
Glucophage also works very well in thin women without
significant insulin resistance. Almost as a side effect, it
increases the activity of an enzyme call aromatase.
Aromatase increases the conversion of male hormones to
female hormones – less androgens and more estrogens result.

and about the side effect, mmg betul kene ciritbirit tu part of side effect dia tapi ada cara utk elakkan! nape doc tak ckp ponnnnnn...haih! ye la kdg2 kite mmg kene wat research sendri doh kalau nak mintak dr delaila terangkan semua aku rase lg mahal la charges nye nnt :P aku prasan yg charges dia naik ikot brape lame kite consult dgn die. die takde standard rate. kalau ckp biase2, RM60. kalau lameeee je sket RM75..lagi lama..leh sampai RM150 (especially kalau baru 1st time jumpa, sbb die nak collect history kite semue kan. so kite jgn nak dok harap doctor bagi 100% info kat kite, kite kene ade usaha cari sendri gak..

The major side effects of glucophage are diarrhea and abdominal cramping- these can be avoided if one eliminates carbohydrates from the diet. Thin women can slowly add carbohydrates back into their diet as tolerated. Heavier women should not – our goal with them is to lower insulin levels andit doesn’t do much good to decrease the production of glucose by the liver if one keeps eating carbohydrates which are converted to glucose. It takes about three months for glucophage to have maximal effect on the ovaries. Many women conceive with no other intervention than glucophage,and couples should go ahead and try to conceive during those three months.

so, aku takleh makan CARBS. mungkin kene kurangkan la. wah so NASIK camne? waaaaa...xpe2 ini utk kesihatan diri. byk je benda lain leh makan. ape yg aku paham drp artikel tu ialah, org PCOS ni release satu benda ni name dia MIS (Mullerian Inhibiting Substance) drp ovary kite yg buat androgrens ni lebeh drp estrogens..so sbb tu follicles ni semua tak elok.

MIS decreases aromatase activity, which results in an
increase of androgens and a decrease in estrogens. This
perpetuates the PCOS changes.
While glucophage treatment will lower androgens rather quickly (androstenedione in this slide),
MIS really does notdecrease significantly for almost three to four months.

so kene laaa makan ubat nih jugak...then dlm artikel ni ade psl LETROZOLE, yg works utk aku last september. yg resulted in 2 mature good eggs. mmg PCOS dgn CLOMID susah nak work together. even with metformin, kdg2 still gak ade org xberjaya. but with Letrozole, the chances increases.

please note that: It is pretty clear that if pregnancy does not result within the first four cycles of clomiphene use, it
probably is not going to – something else has to be tried. 

I've tried clomid ONCE, last year somewhere in May. 100mg. after 12days period, when we scanned, takde mature eggs lansong. semue polycystic. so it shows that it doesnt work. glad i met dr sudha of klinik umra (the only doc yg best katsitu) yg suggest Letrozole (brand name: Femara). dia mahal sket drp clomid but no side effect n no long term side effect. 3 cycles of CLOMID akan buat kite under the risk of ovarian cyst, which is , kalau kena terok, ovary kena buang teros so selamat tinggal the journey of trying to conceive, it ended with you not able to conceive forever! dr sudha prescribe me with Letrozole 5mg perday. for 5days. mcm clomid gak cara nak makan dia. on 2nd day of period. for 5 days.

on day 12, we found 18.3mm mature follies and 21mm mature follies. mmg perfect utk ovulate. dr sudha inject aku dgn HCG, utk trigger ovulation for the next 36hours. thats what we call 'timed intercourse'.

but, takde rezeki aku mase tuh. aku period heavily the next 2weeks walaupon mase dah nak due period tu, aku dpt positive pregnancy test. it was all chemical pregnancy je sbenanyer. but aku bersyukor sbb aku period, drp aku tak period lansong n tak pregnant.depress gile kot gitu.

So after bertukar doctor, Dr Delaila is aware of me not responding to clomid so die tanye aku nak letrozole tak? aku mmg nak la sbb dulu penah ambik n body aku respon well kat ubat tu. Aku takot kerane aku ni PCOS, walaupon aku dpt telor yg mature pon nnt nextmonth, kalau lekat pon, aku ended up miscarriage lagi sbb PCOS women mmg risiko tinggi utk keguguran. kebanyakan org PCOS akan miscarriage a few times before mengandung betol2...

artikel yg aku paste link atas ni mmg bagos..skang aku dah faham aku mmg kena makan metformin gak. teringat polycystic follicles aku aritu, sgt ngeri. byk drp dulu..kene gak makan ubat. aku nak try to avoid carbs tgk ciritbirit lagi tak. kalau tak, so aku leh continue metformin ni. its good for me. i have have have to!