Have Faith, but don't get too excited.

written on: 14/9/2012

I'm sorry you have to read the entry before this entry first: I have a Confession to Make.

I've already booked this blog-name earlier so that when pregnancy is achieved, will update my pregnancy story there. So, next journey will be written here: TwoLinesFound

Apa2 pun, nak cerita sket pasal pegi klinik untuk checkup semalam. yeah i went to Klinik Umra. klinik yang aku palang dulu2. sebabnya? aku menci call DEMC berpuluh kali tapi takde org jawap n bile ade org angkat, dia letak balik. takpaham apejadah tah! so kena cari klinik yang memang ada record aku, nak gi klinik Dr Delaila aku tengah sengkek skang ni. hehe, so proceed je Klinik Umra, knowing that they improved much and doctors pun dah bertambah. so aku tawakal je gi sana. apa2 pun harap aku takjumpe doc yg aku taksuke tu.

Well, done another hpt and the result came back faint positive. so doc tu takleh nak confirm sangat and she said patutlah scan tak nampak sebab nak kira from my LMP, baru 4weeks. sbenanye taksampai 4weeks pun. 3weeks +
So memang lah taknampak apebenda. The long story tentang apa yang doc tu cakap ada kat blog TwoLinesFound.

But aku rasa kalini ada rezeki, think positive.
Skang ni aku takrisau benda lain, i know that i achieved Finding the TwoLines, BUT we cant be happy just yet. Doc pun cakap, Jangan Happy lagi ok sebab kita tak confirm whether the sac will be at your womb ke atau dia lekat somewhere else (mintak simpang)
serious benda tu yang aku paling takot. Lots of people out there yang akan go crazy to see a positive result, tapi lupa banyak gila kemungkinan leh jadi.
Skang ni aku cuma banyak berdoa and berserah pada Allah. aku minta kalau betul dah rezeki aku, peliharalah janin ni sehingga ia lahir. Sihatkan lah fizikal & mentalnya. Tapi kalau bukan rezeki aku Kau turunkan lah ia dalam bentuk darah kotor.

So aku takleh melompat riang lagi, what i know is yes, i'm pregnant now but it is not viable yet. however, i thank you all for your Doa's, and should thank my friend and tuan haji mokhtar (last person i met) untuk cure my PCOS. and alhamdulillah ada hasil. cuma skang ni taktau lagi confirm ke tak. should wait for the beta hCg result this evening or tomorrow. If the beta hcg level is around 50-200mIU, then boleh tarik nafas lega tapi kena ambik darah lagi for next 48hours utk tengok how much dia double.
tapi kalau jumlah hcg aku more than 1000mIU, then diorang kena investigate dia melekat kat mana. oh nooo! wish me luck friends!!! but still i wont publish this entry just yet. tunggu dulu.
takot.

and this morning hpt result is better than yesterday.
AlhamdulillahirabbilAlaminnnn

12/9/2012 14dpo 

updated 18/9/2012 
bought a clearblue digital (saje gatal) and it says

Alhamdulillah :)

my beta hCg is doubling from 1010mIU to 2541mIU, alhamdulillah.
And yes, the doctor says, my pregnancy is insyallah healthy. please pray for me!!
and i will always pray for my TTC friends!!! Mudahan2 tak lama lagi turn uoll pulakkk ;) have faith!!
and never giveup! Miracle WILL and CAN happen :') Believe in your body, and believe in Allah Taala.
from now on please go to my new blog TWOLINESFOUND

I have a confession to make.

Written on: 11 Sept 2012 
Date posted: 20 Sept 2012

This is hard, really.
So hard to confess.

During in Redang, dok bersnorkeling dan bersuka-ria, terlompat2 atas bot, tried to ignore that 'bloating', pening, and Gemok feeling, and when we came back, i admit that my lower abdomen is so KERAS.
I already told u this in my previous post, right?

Mula lah nak cuak.
ada ketumbuhan ke? ade cyst? ade fibroid? ada batu?? :-O noooo!
astaghfirullahalazim.

cuba sangka baik pada Allah. Then I simply thought, "ada baby ni.. Yes, ada baby ni"
and from that moment, i keep telling myself this "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant"
i know by doing that, will hurt myself kalau buat HPT nanti it came back negative, tapi dah takkisah sebab what i care is now, positive thoughts.
So i keep telling myself, "I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant"
Then i keep telling my hormones to do their work, dengan rajin. (gile ckp dgn hormon)

Saje, to give good vibes to my own body. kalau pun tak pregnant, atleast sihat dah semua hormon2 aku, sebab all the symptoms i've written on my previous post.(breast pain, hungry all the time) dengan BBT yang cantik lagi, smua ni izin Allah, terima kasih Ya Allah.

And i think that we should change our diet a little, because it's true, small changes in our eating behaviour can make a different. i believe that. so selain dari selepas berubat haritu, apa yang aku makan?

Avocado. Yes, aku ada buat entry pasal ni kan, but i know it may sound boring.
Tapi seriously Avocado is a good fertility food especially for those who are TTC with PCOS or, tengah nak buat IVF. Avocado can really increase the chances.
Read here: Avocado diet "triples chance of success" for couples undergoing IVF.
Sebab it aids Progesterone. source here: Avocado & Progesterone
Jadi aku makan je since bulan puasa. aku buat smoothie! sedap! campur dgn madu. memang buah avocado tu mahal, tapi nak benda yang bagus, mahal lah kan. Tapi cepat kenyang, then asyik kencing & buang air besar, terasa perut ringan. Bagus kan utk buang toxic.

I avoid nescafe for almost 4months in a row and I'm so proud of myself!
seriously, i thought quitting nescafe wont change a thing. tapi tidak! make a whole lot difference for me!
Betullah, Nescafe memang toksik.

Change from nasik putih to Brown Rice. Kenapa? Brown rice itu adalah whole grain food, takde kanji, ada byk fiber, iron, vitamin B. dll. Google lah sendrik! :P
Utk yang TTC, elok lah tukar kpd Brown Rice. rasa nya sama je dengan nasikputih, warna dia je brown.kalau ada diebetes, PCOS, elok lah tukar.

Minum susu kambing hari2. Aku minum Hi-Goat Premium yang ada campur madu + kurma tu. SEDAP sangat2. Memang sunnah mengatakan kena minum susu kambing + madu + kurma kan kalau nak dapat zuriat? tapi aku penah blend skali je, blender aku tu bongok, tak hancur2 pun kurma tu. nasib baik ada yg dah siap.

Apa aku nak confess sebenarnya?
Ok sbenarnya aku buat hpt last Friday 7/9/2012 Morning, dan HPT tu buat lawak dengan aku. dalam 5minit, Control line nya KOSONG. tapi Test line ada 1 line samar. Aku ingat test tu error, atau expired, atau rosak, sebab patutnya Control line tu akan naik dulu, dan Test line yg akan tunjok positive of negative. ini tidak,
Control line takde! So aku terus letak tepi dan terus mandi. aku anggap ini saspen.
sebab aku xpenah dapat test yang error.

Lepas mandi, aku tgk Control line tu dah ada line, dan...
Test line tadi? remain?

So?

Ada 2 line ke? Okay told myself not to lompat bintang dulu. terus flashback benda2 ni:

1. that aku penah chemical pregnancy for 3 times
2. that aku penah dengar yg org pregnant sampai 1st trimester je then gugur.
3. that aku penah rasa sendri doc ucap congrats kat aku tibe2 aku bleeding the next week.
4. that aku penah baca pasal blighted ovum, ectopic pregnancy, ovarian pregnancy, and so on.

OK! DIAM.
Test lagi esok.

EHHHH

Lagi terang?????

Ok diam.

Diam dan tenung test lama2.
Aku guna cassette hpt tau, which yang selama ni  hospital & clinic guna, which aku takpenah dpt positive lansung. kalau aku dpt positive kat midstream nye hpt, kat cassette hpt mesti negative.
and i did 3 test. ALL POSITIVE.

10/9/2012 12dpo

nak kata apa sekarang. :-O!!!

11/9/2012 13dpo

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah
Masih tak terkata apa sebab belum boleh absorb lagi fakta ni.
TWOLINESFOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-O masih, tak boleh percaya dan masih ternganga.
Masih takot kalau kejadian 2 tahun lepas berulang :(

Apa2 pun, baru lagi sangat. baru CD23 je since aku dapat first BFP. So, harap bertenang and this entry will be public once the pregnancy is Confirmed by an Ultrasound & a beta hCG.

updated: now the pregnancy is confirmed. will update another entry soon. Alhamdulillah, syukur padaMu ya Allah.

Alhamdulillah this is the Prettiest Chart ever 

Back from the Island :)

I'm back from Pulau Redang, and to those yang takpenah pegi, SILA LAH PERGI SEBAB CANTIK SANGAT SANGAT SANGAT!!! sangat menenangkan jiwa dan raga!
Air laut yg biru turquoise JERNIH sesangat2!
Well this is not a honeymoon, this is a family trip. bapak aku mmg every year, on the month of Syawal, mmg akan bawak family jejalan.
I remembered in 2010, we went to GoldCoast, Australia, masa tu baru lepas cucuk hCG shot, and we should have "Timed Intercourse" in GoldCoast, mase tu berangan kunun dapat la buat anak kat negeri omputeh. ahahaha
2weeks after balik dari sana, ive got a faint positive, but 5 days later, i got my period.
so it was a chemical pregnancy then.

In 2011, we went to Bali, Indonesia. Masa tu berbulan tak period, and takde rasa apa2 pun. Pegi Bali mmg nak enjoy je dengan family.

And this year, yang bestnya dapat snorkeling (first time eh) and took photos under the water!! :D
tapi bukan our camera lah, ni yang underwater photographer kat redang tu ambik, we can view the photos later and pay for which one  we like. (we took them all!) :P 6 keping je. ye la orang pun ramai.

Hehe that's me, beriya tahan nafas tapi masuk jugak air dlm idung :P

That's my Cik Abang. Disuruh buat pose Superman. hhuehuehe

Cik Abang again, 2nd attempt

Ngam2 ada ikan kat tangan aku tu :P

Both of us :D

Huhu mata hubby terkenyit sbelah, air masuk mata.

from left - umi (stepmom),mail(cousin),hubby,me,ikmal(brother)babah

And you know what, my BBT was elevated and i feel more bloated, gemok than ever. hahahaa...asik makannnnn je, ketagih nasik. So yeah, the progesterone that did it, and most importantly, my OWN progesterone.! no drugs, no nothing this time :D only supplements like EPO.
So i'll just wait for another week, for my period to come. if it doesnt show up, then boleh Jeng Jeng Jeng walaupun tak mengharap apa. Just happy that I'm fine now :)
i know that i'm ok when i have sore nipple/breastpain/HUNGRY/mild cramps on my abdomen.
then i know that my hormones had gone back to work! tahniah!

This is my BBT, yg tiba2 NAIK skejap lepas beberapa hari period tu sebab demam. (dotted lines)
Then lepas dah baik demam, dia normal balik and tibe2 dapat coverlines, 2 3 hari before coverline tu pun dah memang rasa breastpain/cramps so yeah, could be ovulated during that time :D
I CAN OVULATE ON MY OWN!!! (agaknye laa)
Who needs clomid??HCG???letrozole?metformin?provera?duphaston?etc etc!
SEE i cannnn do this without drugs!
thank you Allah :D
So PCOS, u might as well pegi berambus from my body now! Dont kacau my ovary again! tahu!
i know that BBT chart bukanlah 100% accurate tapi knowing my body, having breast pain on my own, having mild cramps and food cravings are sign that my hormones are working.
Dulu time skolah, takpenah makan ubat2 apa2 and i felt all this stuffs when period was about to come in 2 weeks.
last year tak period lansung on my own kan? Langsung takde breast pain watsoever simptom.
then Early this year, after consuming noni chewable tablet by biodex for whole 2months, i got my period on my own again with all those simptoms. SO yeah, body sendri, sendri la yg tau kan :D
Alhamdulillah ;)
This months boleh hope sikit la walaupun takkisah sangat sebab semua dgn izin Allah swt juga :)
I've done some "Self-Meditation" sebenanya during this month, then nampak sangat perubahan positive on my BBT, i will share about this on my next post ;) WISHMELUCK&BABYDUST :D