Medication ruined me.

http://www.cottonbottommama.com/2012/02/circle-and-bloom.html

Read the article above, that lady tried Circle+Bloom method untuk conceive dan dia berjaya.

Mintak maaf kalau ada yang akan bangkang statement aku ni, tapi seriously I agree with this lady yang tulis article ni. Dia rasa medication ni patutnya LAST sekali, patutnya kena try untuk self-meditation, buat natural treatment dulu, then BARU lah ke arah medical treatment kalau smua yg natural tak berjaya. Kita ni pulak, medical treatment tak berjaya baru pegi ke natural treatment :P hehe tapi ikutlah macam mana cara pun, Rezeki tetap di tangan Allah.

Dalam usaha TTC ni kan, first things first, kite mesti akan jumpe gynae dulu. ATAU kalau period kite smua ok, kite akan try berurut dulu, makan jamu2 dan sebagainya. vice versa.
no matter which one u tried first, it's up to you.
tapi nak ikotkan la kan, awal2 TTC kalau kite terus sumbat pelbagai DRUGS dalam badan kite, otak kite akan jadi malas, dan synthetic2 hormone tu smua akan stay kat badan kite dlm kadar waktu yang lama. Dan synthetic hormone jugak boleh menyebabkan lemak2 berkumpul.
Buktinya?
Aku seorang yang VERY UNDERWEIGHT. dari kecik lagi aku dah underweight.
pada hari perkahwinan aku on Jan 2009, berat aku 34kg dan tinggi aku 150cm je. so imagine betapa kering nya aku.
kalau nak kata aku gemok lepas kawin, sbenanye tak pun. setahun aku takpenah ambik ubat2 hormone, berat aku cume naik 4 kg. hujung tahun 2009, berat aku baru 38kg. lepastu kadang2 turun balik ke 35kg.
Kawan2 aku kata EH kau ni tak gemok2 pun even lepas kawin?

tahun 2010 aku start jumpe doctor biasa je untuk bertanyakan pasal period aku yang tak regular. dia datang. tapi tak regular. 2-3 bulan skali. Doc tu cakap, aku kurus sangat. lepastu kalau period tak betul, memang susah pregnant. jadi dia bagi aku ubat utk period regular.
aku yang bangang ni pun, ikut je la cakap doc. Sebab katenye nak betulkan period dulu kan,.
Kisahnya, kalau kau dah start ambik birth control pills/hormonal pills utk induce period, once ko stop, chances kau nak period sendiri memang susah. Sebab brain kite ni dah biasa dengan 'arahan' dari ubat hormone. once ubat tu kite dah tak telan, otak kite diam je tunggu arahan. Dan tak buat apa2.
That's what happened to me lah. Berat aku naik 11kg lepas 3bulan on birthcontrol pill yang katanya utk betulkan period tu. Sampai aku freakout. Tapi berat aku terus jadi normal la 45kg cuma kawan2 aku, sdara-mara aku yg dah biasa tgk aku dari dulu memang kurus kering, terkejut la tgk aku dah ade pipi, ade lengan, ade peha, dulu aku kurus-kering-kontang je. Jadi tu buktinya hormonal pill mmg bagi kau gemok.

Dan aku continue je makan ubat2 hormone utk betulkan period sampai satu tahap bile aku tak ambik ubat period, SETAHUN aku tak period LANSUNG. so nampak tak ape kesan hormonal pills kat badan aku? (taktau la badan korang kan) Masa tu, Doc kat klinik UMRA dengan mudahnya berkata, Takpe kalau period u tak ok, kite bagi ubat period then masa u dah datang period u makan ubat subur (clomid) insyallah mengandung.
aku ni pun percaya je la dengan doc tu. Jangkaan aku salah. Mengandung bukan semudah itu.

Aku tukar gynae -Dr Delaila. Skali gynae yg baru kata OH birth control tu tak bagos utk induce period! (pulak)
and prescribe me with another hormonal pills yang bukan birth control tapi utk force period.
dia bagi aku ubat subur lain. Skali bila datang on Day 12, tengok telur satu pun takde yang besar. Terus dia suggest aku GONAL-F.
Dia kata "Takpayah buang masa, u've tried clomid, u've tried letrozole, all fail and no progress. so i nak suggest mcm mana lagi kat u?"

Start die suruh aku Gonal-F tu aku terus letak border line. This is ridiculous.
Sampai nak mencucuk2 perut untuk mengandung ni dah kenapa? ( i mean, im sorry kalau ada yang penah cuba Gonal-F, u guys memang tabah, i memang tak tabah lansung nak cuba kaedah cucuk mencucuk ni!)
Masa tu aku fikir SANGAT PANJANG. berbulan2 aku fikir for the gONAL-F. whether it is necessary.
aku google sana sini utk tgk brapa ramai orang yg berjaya with 1st attempt of Gonal-F.
(aku ni lak jenis taksuka nak try sesuatu benda sampai byk2 kali without knowing dia nye effectiveness)

Jadi rata-rata yang aku baca, smua orang beli berkotak2 Gonal-F baru berjaya. 1-2% je berjaya at 1st attempt. hmm so sebab itu jugak aku lupekan niat nak cuba Gonal-F sebab bagi aku RIDICULOUS gila nak cucuk2 perut semata2 nak pregnant. I feel like telling Allah, "Ya Allah kau berilah aku anak aku sanggup cucuk badan aku semua asalkan kau bagi aku anak"

Kadang2 aku pernah confuse jap between Usaha dan Memaksa.
Kalau tak buat apa yang doc suruh, maknanya kita cepat give-up ke? Tak jugak. Aku pun tatau. Tapi aku tau yang Gonal-F tu wont do any good for me. Silap2 membazir duit je. Nanti bila takjadi, aku marah dekat Allah. Baik aku jangan buat kalau aku takut sangat untuk kecewa.
Aku selalu tanya diri aku dulu, aku ni nak paksa Allah bagi anak ke, sampai semua benda aku buat tanpa jemu. Tapi aku fikir balik, eh aku bukan paksa, ini kan ikhtiar.
Tapi kalau sampai takleh nak fikir benda tu memudaratkan atau tak, macam nak paksa la kan? Padahal dah baca ni Gonal-F tu mmg akan menyebabkan ovary bengkak whatsoever. Aku slalu pikir sok aku degil sgt dgn takdir Allah, aku buat gak Gonal-F ni astu ovary aku bengkak, lagi complicated kan keadaan, baru padanmuke aku? So aku kensel Gonal-F.

Mase tu aku cube kenal pasti betul2 problem aku ni. Apa masalahnye sbenanye aku ni. PCOS. ok.
kenapa metformin tak memberi kesan? Kenape Gonal-F tu next option?
Aku google banyak2 rupenye PCOS yang TIDAK insulin resistant TIDAK memerlukan metformin.
Thanks doc. Ye la aku pun tak pikir yang doc tak buat pun insulin test kat aku. dia sbenanye ASSUME je aku insulin resistant.
Sbenanya aku lack of hormones kerana pituitary gland aku tak trigger.
Aku track BBT, aku tengok ape kesannya ubat2 tu smua kat hormone aku, TARAK.
Maknanya ubat2 tu smua tak jalan.
It's something in my BRAIN tau.
Semua ni sebab aku tergesa2 makan ubat hormone. awal aku kawin terus sumbat drugs ni konon nak betulkan period and endup screwing my whole system!

KALAU lah aku buat natural treatment dari awal, mungkin, mungkin aku conceive awal skit. Atau mungkin badan aku tak penuh dengan toxic & drugs. sampai memerlukan setahun lebih untuk clear all the drugs and ovulate normally. itu pun lepas perubatan alternative dan sedikit self-meditation, hypnosis, zikir. Tapi mungkin jugak semua ni dah ditentukan oleh Allah, kerana Allah nak aku REALIZE benda ni dan sampaikan kat korang smua. Alhamdulillah boleh pun lekat dengan a few "tuning". So aku sangat2 suggest yang TTCians smua, u can decide whatever the doc suggest. itu kerja dia sebab takkan lah doc nak cakap "oh u pergi la jumpe ustaz2," atau "u try la makan kurma + susu kambing"
takde doc akan suggest benda2 ni. ni smua kite sendri yg kena jadi bijak pergi cari info.

When the doc suggested a method or a medication yang kau rasa mcm ridiculous, kau kena jadi bijak sket nak ikut atau cari option lain. UNLESS memang kau ada penyakit yang dah terang2 memerlukan medication, without it u'll die. then ikutlah ape doc ckp. doctors sbenanye memang expert. tapi dalam bidang perubatan saja. sadly, infertility doesn't only caused by medical problem je. Ada macam2 sebab boleh buat kite tak subur. So mane lah kite tau, tah2 badan kita tak subur NOT BECAUSE of medical problem, kalau tak cari alternative lain, mcm mana kite nak tau kan.
Sebab itu lah ada Unexplained Infertility. Tapi ada gak Explained Infertility yang boleh diubat dengan cara lain bila medical treatments tak berjaya. So, selamat mencari info, rajin2 la membaca especially about your condition. kalau ade PCOS, rajin2 cari info sebanyak mungkin.

Selamat berjaya :)

My Past Entries U Might Missed

I know that i only have blog followers since last year and some of you might not read my previous2 post that COULD help if you are wondering a few questions.

So I'm here to share the links back untuk kesenangan korang. :)

Guidelines/Infos I've shared

1. How to make Clomid Work?  - just an info I found on the internet
2. New Bestfriend: BBT  - when I just bought my BBT
3. Pineapple - Nenas actually can aid implantation. (but not AFTER implantation)
4. Was it B12?  - Was it because of kekurangan B12 that we can't conceive?
5. Blood group can affect fertility - study reveals - just an info I found on the internet
6. FertiliTea - Fertilitea fron Fairhaven (WITH VITEX)
7. Mertfomin: a must! must! must! - metformin info for PCOS
8. SOY ISOFLAVONES - just an info I found on the internet
9. New info on Soy Isoflavones - just an info I found on the internet
10. HSG - hysterosalpinggogram - review after my hSG test
11.Food for Fertility - just an info I found on the internet
12.Gonal-F - when my gynae suggested to use this method
13.Interesting: LH & hCG - difference between LH hormons & HCG hormones
14. Rahim - a blabbing about Rahim - don't always blame your Rahim.
15. FertilAid by Fairhaven - FertilAid info
16. My FertilAid has arrived! - FertilAid info
17. PCOS Puzzle Solved by Twin Sisters - Interesting!  - just an info I found on the internet
18.The Dos and Donts of Having an Infertile Friend - MUST READ if u are NOT TTC.
19. Just Laugh! - just an info I found on the internet
20. Myth Terbaru - a friend suggested NEW ways to be fertile.
21. Yasmin - an info about Yasmin (Birth Control Pill) for PCOS.
22. LUMIGLOW pulak? - Lumiglow cream (natural progesterone cream - or so they say)
23. Laparascopy: Do it? Don't Do It? - when i was clueless whether to proceed Lapo.
24. Guidelines for us who are TTC CLUELESS - my own guideline i made for my TTC friends.
25. List of Supplements for PCOS -  just an info I found on the internet
26. PCOS: Get Pregnant Quickly? - what the Doctor says.
27. Excited about this new info - TURMERIC -  just an info I found on the internet
28. TURMERIC for PCOS -  just an info I found on the internet
29. Doing Research on Noni a.k.a Mengkudu -  just an info I found on the internet
30. Buah Zuriat & Dates Pollen -  just an info I found on the internet
31. The Dates Pollen Review - Review after trying the Dates Pollen (Serbuk Debunga Kurma)
32. Simple BBT Guide - a guideline i made if you wanted to start charting.
33. Siapa minum Low-Fat Milk? -  just an info I found on the internet
34. MILK - Jangan Salah Faham - my answer for your confusion
35. Change NOW, or Never -  just an info I found on the internet
36. Avocado: What have we missed? -  just an info I found on the internet
37. Mind and Body Power Works - how I finally got pregnant naturally (with PCOS)

My blabbings I found interesting myself. haha!

1.Are you pregnant? Or HAVE been pregnant? - my own thoughts
2. Manusia - entry marah :P
3. Infertility. When will it ends? - entry marah + membebel
4. IUI? No! - me and hubby's decision when we decided NOT to try IUI/IVF
5. She is so blessed - about the lady who conceived triplets after 6years TTC + my own thoughts
6. KEJAM - TTC Ladies, Read at your risk - just click :P
7. S.I.L - Sister In Law - when my SIL got pregnant again.
8. Mimpi - pasal mimpi ikan paus.
9. Cara & Tarikh Salah? - entry marah
10. Cara & tarikh Salah? (cont'd) - entry marah
11. I'M DONE, I HAD ENOUGH - entry marah / give up / had enough of everything :P konon
12. 1 Cinta 1 Lagu - Wani Ardy - about my friend who can't get pregnant bcoz she is born without uterus.
13. Kehadapan Fetus - a poem Wani Ardy wrote
14. Everyone's Lifestyles Are Different - entry marah 
15. Torture Ourselves - entry marah + membebel
16. Belajar - saje bebel
17. Kering dan Kebal - saje bebel
18. Why We Musn't "Canang" - saje bebel

My entries about Alternative Treatments I did before I conceived naturally.

http://findingtwolines.blogspot.com/search/label/Alternative%20Treatment

ps: wah sampai boleh buat Index ni? boleh buat e-book la?
hahaha...poyo je aku ni.

The Arrival of Baby Ikhlas

Remember my friend Wani Ardy the one with Rokitansky Syndrome ( no uterus since birth, adopting is the only way to have child) View link for her story -->1 Cinta 1 Lagu 
Allah swt finally answer their prayers and on 26th Sep 2012, lahirlah seorang Miracle Baby Boy seberat 3.8kg yang diberi nama IKHLAS.
I dont know what to say about Rezeki. Memang kita tak terlintas bila dia akan tiba.
Semuanya macam berlaku terlalu pantas, i got pregnant pun dah cukup memeranjatkan diri sendiri dan kawan2 rapat yang lain, but then Wani, dapat Ikhlas yang seolah2 mcm turun dari langit, pun terlalu pantas.
Alhamdulillah Allah tu maha Kaya.
Cerita macam mana Wani boleh dapat Ikhlas ni sangat panjang tapi memang Subhanallah. Semua nya terlalu pantas. Dah namanya memang rezeki, kita tak bersedia pun tiba2 dia muncul :')
Terharu tengok Wani & Syafiq (her husband) happy gila dah dapat anak.
Walaupun anak angkat, aku percaya Wani boleh buat semua untuk Ikhlas, sampai jadi macam anak kandung.

------

This is quoted from Wani by her Facebook

Wani Grtnprwknt Ardy

Subhanallah. How can I not say that my husband Syafiq Zakaria and our baby Ikhlas are not a perfect package of miracle?

10 years ago I was diagnosed with Rokitansky Syndrome; a gift to 1 in every 5000 women.
I was born with no uterus and small kidneys (among other abnormalities – nothing fatal, alhamdulillah!).
I grew up thinking I will never get married, never have a child, no man would want me as a wife, and no parents would want me as a daughter-in-law. I thought I would either be a first wife or a burden.
My mom advised me not to get married because she loved me so much and she wanted to protect me (and my heart from breaking).

It was hard not to fall in love though, so I went through relationships.

Two men left me (partly) because of my condition.
One of them could actually accept me-- but his parents couldn’t.
Some others were left by ME, because I was too insecure and emotional and selfish.

I was with Syafiq when a (heartless?) doctor laughed at my condition during a check-up.
“So you DO have a boyfriend? He said he CAN accept this? Hahahah. Good luck with THAT.”

Well doctor, alhamdulillah we got married, and he has been my perfect soulmate ever since; the best decision I’ve ever made in 28 years of my life. :) I love you to infinity, sayang. Thank you so much! ♥

Early this year, my ‘womanly features’ started to ‘shrink’ (among other symptoms). And so a few months ago, I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure (early menopause) and I am somewhat prone to cancer. A few weeks later, they found out that I have cyst too. I had a lot to digest. :')

I am not the strongest person in the world – I rise and fall like everyone – but I try to make sure that every time I fall, I pick myself up. And I never stop dreaming. And hoping. And praying. Having hopes breaks my heart many times, but I can’t seem to stop being a hardheaded fool. Now I understand why.

A day after our 2nd anniversary, Almighty Allah ‘cured’ me by answering our silent prayers. Ikhlas was born, alhamdulillah, not from my womb but as Ikhlas’s new parents, we would do anything in the world for him. So far, we have a good relationship with his birth mother – masyaallah – and we pray for this good relationship to continue as we pray for Allah to allow the 3 of us to grow old together. Amin!

I'm not special; I'm just like any other human being. Like you, I too have my own battles. Currently I’m fighting to breastfeed my son (thank you girlfriends for generously sharing tips!) and I’m fighting for a one-month leave (paid or unpaid) to give my newborn the fullest attention he needs. A recent conversation I had with a (heartless?) officer at the registrar’s office upset me BUT, I am not giving up.

-“Awak ni siapa, nak minta cuti sebulan? Awak bukan bersalin pun, bukan mengandung pun.”
-“Ya, sebab tu saya minta sebulan, bukan 3 bulan macam maternity leave. Cuti ni bukan untuk saya; untuk anak saya.”
-“Dia bukan anak awak pun. Awak bukan mak dia. Lagi 2 tahun baru boleh rasmi, kan?”
-“Ya, tapi takkan nak tunggu 2 tahun baru boleh cuti jaga anak? Kalau bulan pertama dalam hidup dia pun saya tak boleh nak berkorban, ambil cuti sebulan, baik tak payah berusaha ambil anak angkat.”
-“Tak kiralah. Kita memang takda cuti untuk orang macam awak ni. Awak bukannya mengandung.”
-“Baiklah, encik. Kalau gitu, bagi saya jalan lain macam mana nak mengajar, bermesyuarat segala sambil susukan anak 2 jam sekali. Sorok dia bawah meja?”
-“Itu saya tak tahulah.”

I’ve been fighting my whole life and I will not stop, especially now that I have another reason to live and to wake up every morning. I’m loving motherhood and I am grateful beyond words to be lent an experience I never thought would happen in my lifetime. Allahuakbar. Bonda and apak love you, Ikhlas!

----
my baby dah ada kawan dah ;) wah, Ikhlas tahun depan jadi Abam Besar la :D hehe..insyallah.....
So happy for Wani :)
Sepanjang tahun ni asyik terlepas nak dapat anak angkat, we tell her, takpe lah belum ada rezeki. Tapi mcm mana kecewa nya keguguran, period, failed IUI whatever, mcm tu jugak frustnya Wani mase terlepas nak ambik baby. Ada je halangan dan tiba2 ada oranglain dah ambik.
Tapi kali ni sangat dipermudahkan, Alhamdulillah, Syukur pada Allah. Semoga Ikhlas akan jadi anak yang soleh, taat pada ibubapa dan jadi orang berguna :)

Isn't he Beautiful. Subhanallah Miracle from Allah.